Last Blog of 2008

I haven't even seen the movie...but something tells me Jake the Snake is going to sue over The Wrestler. .


As much as I love Jake the Snake, part of me wishes The Wrestler was inspired by Junkyard Dog
or George the Animal Steele!

It's kind of annoying that there aren't any blatantly anorexic stars right now. It really leaves me with no anorexia references for jokes.

And for some reason, it still seems wrong to make Karen Carpenter jokes.


I don't mean to be bitchy, but as a general rule, unless you are like, Steve Martin, don't give me comedy notes.


I think it is funny when people say that because of the recession they are scaling back. And then they buy a new car.


Face it Oprah, you are always going to be fat.
And if you could just get past it...I would maybe not hate your guts.

I am sad, because I feel like My Own Worst Enemy and Eli Stone just keep getting better and better. But it is too late:(

I don't care what anyone says, even if Yes Man sucks, Ace Ventura will ALWAYS be a classic in my book.


Remember when this chick was in every movie? What happened to her?


P.S. For a second, Chunk was going to be my "entertainment lawyer." I swear! I try not to brag about celebrity moments, but I wanted to yell that shit from the rooftops.

Even though I've dressed up as you for Halloween, I've always had your back Britney.

True Life might be MTV's most addictive show. Have you ever seen the one where the girl's parents are clowns? Classic!

Or the one with the creepy Persian twin magicians?


ALL guacamole should be made without cilantro.


What does Carmen Electra do? No seriously. What is her job?


Ask yourself, when was the last time you saw a funny female comic on a nightime talk show? Now write your nightime talk show and tell them it should be me!! ( According to my dad, this is all I need to do to get on Letterman:)


I don't know when it happened...but suddenly, bowties aren't funny anymore.


(But a bowtie on a cat...for some reason...still hilarious!)


If you think life has been a little stale lately, triple-dog-dare someone to do something. It really spices things up!

Whenever I watch Conan and people talk about their "awful day jobs," none of them even seem half as bad as my last day job.

This is what I wore my last day at my old job. Because let's face it, I always have to have the final word:)


One of my best day jobs, was when I worked in a photo lab. Why? Because of Mr. Douglas, the man who dropped off his pictures weekly and was in a nudist colony. You haven't lived until you've seen pictures of a nudist barbecue or better yet, a nudist wedding.


(Sorry, but I obviously never stole any of Mr. Douglas's pictures. This picture however, was readily available on the internet).

Minor Blog Glitch

Hi everyone!

I have just discovered a glitch in my blog:( Unfortunately, if you open my blog with internet explorer, it is showing up crazy (and only half of some of the postings are there!)!! I am working on fixing this, but as many of you know, I am no member of the Geek Squad. So if you can, open it with Firefox and the blog is as it should be! Thanks for your support!

Lisa



P.S. This blog seemed way too serious, so I thought you might enjoy a truly insane picture!

One Of My Favorite Clips Ever, and What Goes Around Comes Around...

Every day of my life, I have thought about how uncoordinated I am. And then I saw this guy.

And by the way, I can't believe we haven't dated.

I wanted to hate this chick for winning it all. But then I realized her name was Starr Spangler. And I laughed.

Some Kind of Wonderful is still a REALLY good movie.

It's not weird that I've always related the most to the butch- drummer girl, right?

Wow. You really blew it.

I'm definitely getting older. Lately I've been having two-day hangovers. SO lame.

Hmmmm....I wonder how Jesus would feel about this story:

Judge orders Mel Gibson deposed in lawsuit

LOS ANGELES – A judge says Mel Gibson will have to answer questions about planning and filming "The Passion of the Christ" in response to a screenwriter's lawsuit.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Gregory Alarcon on Tuesday ordered Gibson to appear for a deposition by mid-January. Gibson's attorneys had tried to keep him from having to answer questions regarding his blockbuster film about Jesus' last hours.

Screenwriter Benedict Fitzgerald is suing Gibson, claiming he was underpaid for his work on "Passion."

Fitzgerald's attorneys claimed Tuesday that his payments were eroded by Gibson's spending habits while filming the movie in Italy, including "tens of thousands" of dollars on his children's education and a $78,000 chiropractor bill.

If you love American Dad....you don't get it.

The way the entertainment industry is dealing with the recession is officially pissing me off. ABC cancels Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies, and Dirty Sexy Money, yet America's Funniest Home Videos gets renewed for the 19th season. Seriously???

I've been hearing the rumors that you two are back together. Let me just state for the record....you are my all time favorite trainwreck couple. PLEASE GET BACK TOGETHER!!

As someone who was threatened by these jackasses on bikes daily, it was just a matter of time until this happened;

Sword-Wielder Killed At Scientology Center

Security Guard Shoots Man Waving Pair Of Samurai Swords At Hollywood Building, LAPD Says

Pedestrians walk past the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre International, where police are conducting a crime scene investigation Sunday, Nov. 23, 2008, in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Ric Francis

(AP) Police said a man who waved a pair of Samurai swords on the grounds of a Hollywood Scientology building had a "previous relationship" to the church, but released little other information about the man shot and killed by a security guard.

The unidentified man, described as being in his 40s, approached three guards Sunday in the parking lot of the Scientology Celebrity Centre, Los Angeles Police Deputy Chief Terry S. Hara said.

The man was "close enough to hurt them" when one of the guards shot him, Hara said, and after questioning the guards and looking at surveillance tape decided the shooting was justified.

"The evidence itself, it's very, very clear," Hara said. "The security officers were defending their safety."

Police said the tape showed the man appearing at about noon in a red convertible, then approaching the guards with a sword in each hand before he was shot, Hara said.

The man was later pronounced dead at Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center.

Detective Wendi Berndt told the Los Angeles Times the man had been involved with the church in the past.

"There was a previous relationship, but it is unclear to what degree," Berndt said.

Calls to Scientology spokespeople on Sunday were not returned.

There is something so perfect about all the rich kids' names in 80's movies. I mean, they just don't make characters like Blaine and Harley and Steff anymore.

And they don't make guys like Jake Ryan anymore either:(

If I ever use the word "momtourage" or "bromance", please fucking kill me.

I am also very excited for 2009 and “Change.” Like, maybe making some money for a change.

Sometimes I think wine is the most dangerous drink. Because once you open a bottle, don't you feel kind of bad not finishing it off?

Meet one of the most peaceful, sensitive men I have seen on TV in some time. You might recognize his name.

(Rodney King)


The last thing someone without a job needs is a blackberry. But it was hot pink....and ummm....a couple of times I have looked for jobs on it:)

Just when I thought I couldn't hate this little shit

any more....they announce he is re-making the Karate Kid!

Mr. Miyagi

is definitely rolling over in his grave:(

Is there anything better than Thanksgiving dinner served on a beer pong table? (And of course, followed by a beer pong tournament and a dance party?)

(special thanks to Grig and Anne for getting me a beer pong table for my b-day last year!)

I Never Thought I Would Post a Sports Clip...Until I Saw This!

I couldn't resist posting this video. It honestly made me proud of my alma mater. There are a few things I would like you to consider before viewing;

1) Blake Griffin( # 23 in the white uniform) is a douchebag. He is one of those guys who is always pretending to get knocked down in the hopes of getting an offensive foul called on the other team. Plus, he wanted to be number 23 so bad, he asked an Oklahoma legend who lost his leg to cancer to unretire his jersey so he could be #23. DOUCHEBAG.
2) USC might be a private school, but don't forget, we are located in South Central baby!
3) The second time you watch the clip, watch Washington's left hand VERY closely.
4) How insane is Griffin's mom?
5) Overall, disregard what the announcers are saying. They are just jealous, because they secretly dream of being a thug.
6) Leonard Washington(#4) might be my new favorite Trojan!

Is It Just Me or Is There a Lot of Crazy on TV Right Now?

I don't know why...but something won't let me hate you. In fact I kind of love your show.

And I'm not proud, but Onch, I miss you.

Any time someone has a meltdown and throws themselves into an empty treasure chest, I have to take a picture.

Congratulations. You are officially the most insane person on TV.

Though sometimes, I wonder if you are just trying to re-enact Christopher Lloyd's character in The Dream Team.

Is there anything more tragic than a father/son drug bust?

You might try to fight it...but admit it, if you hear Piano Man, you ARE going to end up singing along. Possibly even screaming along if you've had a few beers.

(Picture by Jamie Nelson:)

Sorry SNL. I'm not buying the whole comeback hype. And honestly, you are REALLY screwed now that Amy Poehler is gone.

For the record, you are never going to get me to watch your show by advertising a Katie Holmes cameo.

(Just bring back George Michael, OKAY!)

I'm not even a little surprised.

Darrell Hammond is

no Phil Hartman ....and NEVER will be.

I LOVE going to Starbucks and ordering something besides coffee. It really makes their brain hurt.

And if the barista annoys me, when they ask me if I'm sure I don't want coffee, I tell them I don't like Starbuck's coffee. I swear one time I ALMOST made a barista's head explode. It was so fun!

I'd rather be curvy than look like Janice Dickinson.

I don't trust anyone who is a Jewish Republican. Or lactose intolerant.

Yo Gabba Gabba is the new H.R. Pufnstuf . Only Yo Gabba Gabba doesn't creep me out.

You couldn't pay me to watch this crap.

This is my worst nightmare.

But THIS is a family I can get behind.

Why can't we eat green bean casserole year-round? For having vegetables in it, that shit is good.

This didn't work out. Really? weird.

And for the record, I'd rather sleep with an 85 year old than this no-talent douchebag.

Sometimes I fantasize about how I want to go crazy. Continually running over my sunglasses with my car on a highway....definite contender.

For Halloween, my boyfriend and I decided to be our "favorite" prop comics;

Carrot Top

and Gallagher;

(Happy Birthday Matt and Travis!)