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Congratulations on joining facebook Oprah. I promise NOT to accept your friend request.
I love Tyra as much as the next gay man, but this is ridiculous.
I'm kind of enjoying the new slutty Alias.
People often ask me what it's like living in Hollywood. Well, sometimes things get crazy and you end up doing a shot with this guy...all grown up.
This whole situation is just sad to me.
Even though he is kind of an evil game-player, this guy is inspirational.
Please enjoy some of the best falls you have seen in a while.
(The video is a little long, because I just couldn't decide which fall was my favorite!!)
It makes me feel kind of dirty, but I can't stop watching this show.
But really, Taya? She is the worst. How did you manage to pick the skankiest girl that actually THINKS she is classy? A-O
I am SO not surprised you went out looking for college girls.
Maybe now TLC will stop glorifying families that have this many kids!
Or not.
Congratulations Pac-10 Champions!! I am SO proud of you!
And if you ever want to have Italian babies, I'm all yours.
The show is insane. But I think that is why it is kind of genius.
I am SO glad you have finally jumped the shark. Thank G-d!
But I hope to still see your drunk ass on TV.
I kind of wish Tracy was back on SNL.
I already miss ER:(
I am still distraught over this going off the market. (If you haven't tried one, run to your closest gas station ASAP!)
The recession doesn't seem to affect those damn girl scouts in any way.
How can I get in on those Girl Scout cookies?
P.S. Thanks Amy for introducing me to these. They are no thin mint, but they are delicious!
Okay, I like them, but this girl creeped me out.
I couldn't find any pictures of her, but how much do you hate that little shit who tells her mom she won't eat minced fish?
And speaking of annoying commercials, why are you doing commercials again? Ugh!
You know I'll always love you Chino, but I hope you've taken some acting classes since the OC.
Only in Ohio! I love my home state sometimes.
http://www.tmz.com/2009/03/31/creative-drunk-gets-dui-on-a-motorized-bar-stool/
When did my TV get so small that the scores and captions don't fit on my screen? I get it. I don't have a fancy HDTV. Why don't you just kick me when I'm down.
I knew this chick was psycho. But I admire her creativity in attacking someone with a cat. P.S. Make sure to notice her fiance's last name. Nothing makes me laugh more than rhyming names!
http://www.theinsider.com/news/1876224_Project_Runway_Season_5_Finalist_Kenley_Collins_Arrested
Isn't it performing 101 to make sure your mic is turned off if you are going to start talking about your vagina offstage?
This show is so awesomely addictive!
I eat sushi once a week. I'm still available Broadway. Unlike this douche.
I haven't even seen the movie...but something tells me Jake the Snake 
is going to sue over The Wrestler. 
.
As much as I love Jake the Snake, part of me wishes The Wrestler was inspired by Junkyard Dog 
or George the Animal Steele! 
It's kind of annoying that there aren't any blatantly anorexic stars right now. It really leaves me with no anorexia references for jokes.
And for some reason, it still seems wrong to make Karen Carpenter jokes.
I don't mean to be bitchy, but as a general rule, unless you are like, Steve Martin, 
don't give me comedy notes.
I think it is funny when people say that because of the recession they are scaling back. And then they buy a new car.
Face it Oprah, you are always going to be fat.
And if you could just get past it...I would maybe not hate your guts.
I am sad, because I feel like My Own Worst Enemy and Eli Stone just keep getting better and better. But it is too late:(
I don't care what anyone says, even if Yes Man sucks, Ace Ventura will ALWAYS be a classic in my book. 
Remember when this chick was in every movie? What happened to her? 
P.S. For a second, Chunk was going to be my "entertainment lawyer." I swear! I try not to brag about celebrity moments, but I wanted to yell that shit from the rooftops. 
Even though I've dressed up as you for Halloween, I've always had your back Britney.
True Life might be MTV's most addictive show. Have you ever seen the one where the girl's parents are clowns? Classic! 
Or the one with the creepy Persian twin magicians?
ALL guacamole should be made without cilantro. 
What does Carmen Electra do? No seriously. What is her job? 
Ask yourself, when was the last time you saw a funny female comic on a nightime talk show? Now write your nightime talk show and tell them it should be me!! ( According to my dad, this is all I need to do to get on Letterman:)
I don't know when it happened...but suddenly, bowties aren't funny anymore.
(But a bowtie on a cat...for some reason...still hilarious!)
If you think life has been a little stale lately, triple-dog-dare someone to do something. It really spices things up!
Whenever I watch Conan and people talk about their "awful day jobs," none of them even seem half as bad as my last day job.
This is what I wore my last day at my old job. Because let's face it, I always have to have the final word:)
One of my best day jobs, was when I worked in a photo lab. Why? Because of Mr. Douglas, the man who dropped off his pictures weekly and was in a nudist colony. You haven't lived until you've seen pictures of a nudist barbecue or better yet, a nudist wedding.
(Sorry, but I obviously never stole any of Mr. Douglas's pictures. This picture however, was readily available on the internet).
If I did a one-woman show, it would be called Ranch dressing and Jerry Springer.
The best part of unemployment is you can say yes to everything...just don't ask me to run or help you move.
I only run for beer and well, sorry to be repetitive, cheddar cheese.
Summer programming can only make America dumber.
America doesn't really get it when you stay with a man who fucks around on you.
(This was the EASIEST picture to find. Poor Hillary.)
As much as I loved red-headed boys as a child, adult men with red hair are creepy. Men with LONG red hair scare the shit out of me.
Indiana Jones, you had me. Until Shia LaBeouf started swinging through vines like a monkey.
(clearly Spielberg was too mortified to let any pictures of the monkeys onto the internet)
I can't wait to see my first love this summer.
(Explains a lot doesn't it?)
I ate 7 hot dogs my birthday weekend. Don't tell Dr. Kieu.
Am I the only one who really thought they would "make it" by age 30? Um, 40 is the new 30 right?
Whatever Celtics fans. I met Larry Bird once.
He was a jerk.
David Sedaris
might be the only man who understands me.
The island NEEDS you all to come back.
I LOVE Steve Carrell, but having him be romantic with Anne Hathaway* is creepy. Even though I personally would totally have sex with him.
*By the way, I've already seen the movie and sorry Get Smart writers, but your explanation of their age difference doesn't make it any less creepy!
TV/Movie-crossover advertising is just getting too ridiculous. Seriously.
I kind of love Wolf though.
I might be getting too old for keg parties. No. Scratch that. You are never too old for a kegger.
Part of me is sick-to-my-stomach thinking about the new 90210. The other part of me knows I am going to get a Tivo season pass no matter what.
I can't believe when I was in middle school I couldn't wait to shave my legs.
Now I will do anything to avoid it.
Is it wrong
that I REALLY want to mess with the Zohan?
Wine tasting is a fancy way of saying "For now, I am going to be dignified. However, I am going to buy three bottles of wine, go home, and drink until I fall down." Or is that just me?
If you ask me..it should be Carrie and Aidan.
I am so sick of nepotism.
Mike Myers is getting desperate.
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