From the Archives...

**So...for those of you that don't know, I've spent the last few months traveling the world. This is a blog from the vault that I didn't quite get published before I left. Hopefully you will enjoy this oldie but goody:)


I'm not proud, but I'm probably going to end up seeing this when it comes out on DVD.


But it makes me sad, you are no Farley. And you never will be.


And Farley might have done Beverly Hills Ninja, but he never would have done this crap.



On a side note, is it possible to OD on peaches?



I feel so sorry for this guy. He never had it easy, did he?



This guy is either insane or a genius. I'm betting on genius.



I remember how judgmental you were on Celebrity Apprentice. Really? YOU are trying to judge people?



I was forced to watch this on a plane. It was even worse than I thought.



What is wrong with this girl?



I'm so thankful this show is on right now. How did this happen? I thought I hated vampires.




Except for this guy.




Do you REALLY think the show could survive without you?



Wow. I thought they had already cast every type of psycho on the Real World. I didn't know about you.




If you don't know about this guy, you're an idiot.



And honestly, I kind of love this chick. I feel like her song has been playing in my head my whole life.




This show is FASCINATING. And it makes me feel better about my tchotchkes.




I'm not proud. But I've found myself watching shows like this.



Can you imagine how much pepto bismol this guy needs?



It makes me happy that the word foodie has replaced the word fatty.


This movie looks AMAZING.


But my dad wants to sue because he says he started a "schmucks club" in college.
True Story.


If you are on this guy's team, I have news for you socially awkward chubby girl.
Welcome to your first moment as a "fruit fly."



I love this guy's confidence.



Karma.



You are the hottest couple ever.



Why? Why must this be your commercial?



Best storyline ever: Respected cop by day. Starts taking Ambien at night to sleep. Starts mugging people at the pier while "awake" on Ambien.


You suck.
.

I'm Not Getting Any Smarter

If I did a one-woman show, it would be called Ranch dressing and Jerry Springer.


The best part of unemployment is you can say yes to everything...just don't ask me to run or help you move.

I only run for beer and well, sorry to be repetitive, cheddar cheese.

Summer programming can only make America dumber.

America doesn't really get it when you stay with a man who fucks around on you.

(This was the EASIEST picture to find. Poor Hillary.)

As much as I loved red-headed boys as a child, adult men with red hair are creepy. Men with LONG red hair scare the shit out of me.



Indiana Jones, you had me. Until Shia LaBeouf started swinging through vines like a monkey.

(clearly Spielberg was too mortified to let any pictures of the monkeys onto the internet)


I can't wait to see my first love this summer.


(Explains a lot doesn't it?)



I ate 7 hot dogs my birthday weekend. Don't tell Dr. Kieu.




Am I the only one who really thought they would "make it" by age 30? Um, 40 is the new 30 right?


Whatever Celtics fans. I met Larry Bird once.
He was a jerk.



David Sedaris
might be the only man who understands me.



The island NEEDS you all to come back.



I LOVE Steve Carrell, but having him be romantic with Anne Hathaway* is creepy. Even though I personally would totally have sex with him.

*By the way, I've already seen the movie and sorry Get Smart writers, but your explanation of their age difference doesn't make it any less creepy!


TV/Movie-crossover advertising is just getting too ridiculous. Seriously.



I kind of love Wolf though.



I might be getting too old for keg parties. No. Scratch that. You are never too old for a kegger.


Part of me is sick-to-my-stomach thinking about the new 90210. The other part of me knows I am going to get a Tivo season pass no matter what.

I can't believe when I was in middle school I couldn't wait to shave my legs.
Now I will do anything to avoid it.

Is it wrong
that I REALLY want to mess with the Zohan?


Wine tasting is a fancy way of saying "For now, I am going to be dignified. However, I am going to buy three bottles of wine, go home, and drink until I fall down." Or is that just me?

If you ask me..it should be Carrie and Aidan.



I am so sick of nepotism.



Mike Myers is getting desperate.