I'm Back! And I Missed You Blog:)

Congratulations on joining facebook Oprah. I promise NOT to accept your friend request.



I love Tyra as much as the next gay man, but this is ridiculous.



I'm kind of enjoying the new slutty Alias.


People often ask me what it's like living in Hollywood. Well, sometimes things get crazy and you end up doing a shot with this guy...all grown up.



This whole situation is just sad to me.



Even though he is kind of an evil game-player, this guy is inspirational.



Please enjoy some of the best falls you have seen in a while.

(The video is a little long, because I just couldn't decide which fall was my favorite!!)


It makes me feel kind of dirty, but I can't stop watching this show.



But really, Taya? She is the worst. How did you manage to pick the skankiest girl that actually THINKS she is classy? A-O



I am SO not surprised you went out looking for college girls.




Maybe now TLC will stop glorifying families that have this many kids!



Or not.



Congratulations Pac-10 Champions!! I am SO proud of you!



And if you ever want to have Italian babies, I'm all yours.



The show is insane. But I think that is why it is kind of genius.



I am SO glad you have finally jumped the shark. Thank G-d!



But I hope to still see your drunk ass on TV.



I kind of wish Tracy was back on SNL.



I already miss ER:(



I am still distraught over this going off the market. (If you haven't tried one, run to your closest gas station ASAP!)



The recession doesn't seem to affect those damn girl scouts in any way.
How can I get in on those Girl Scout cookies?




P.S. Thanks Amy for introducing me to these. They are no thin mint, but they are delicious!



Okay, I like them, but this girl creeped me out.



I couldn't find any pictures of her, but how much do you hate that little shit who tells her mom she won't eat minced fish?


And speaking of annoying commercials, why are you doing commercials again? Ugh!



You know I'll always love you Chino, but I hope you've taken some acting classes since the OC.



Only in Ohio! I love my home state sometimes.
http://www.tmz.com/2009/03/31/creative-drunk-gets-dui-on-a-motorized-bar-stool/


When did my TV get so small that the scores and captions don't fit on my screen? I get it. I don't have a fancy HDTV. Why don't you just kick me when I'm down.



I knew this chick was psycho. But I admire her creativity in attacking someone with a cat. P.S. Make sure to notice her fiance's last name. Nothing makes me laugh more than rhyming names!
http://www.theinsider.com/news/1876224_Project_Runway_Season_5_Finalist_Kenley_Collins_Arrested


Isn't it performing 101 to make sure your mic is turned off if you are going to start talking about your vagina offstage?



This show is so awesomely addictive!




I eat sushi once a week. I'm still available Broadway. Unlike this douche.

I Feel Like I Am Getting a Little Old and Bitter

I am stoked that that wasn't your head in the box.



Though I keep thinking of that scene in Soapdish where Whoopi says " how am I going to write for someone that doesn't have a head?"


But I still want to have your babies. Seriously Wentworth...I will carry your babies. The offer is on the table.


I can't believe this was my favorite summer comedy.



But honestly...it reminded me of a lot of guys I know. I mean I can't think of many 35 year old guys I know who don't have either a Chewbacca mask or Hulk hands at home. Is that weird?


(see the Hulk Hands? I rest my case:)


Why does my friend Amy (and her roommate Allen) think it is so wrong that I love this cartoon character? I can't be the only one who sees the similarities between her and I!




I heard they are developing a new Facebook for the CIA. That SO doesn't surprise me. Even people with top secret identities want to find out if their rival from high school is fat!

I ended my summer by seeing Donna Summer live. That night was either the youngest I've ever felt...or the oldest I've ever felt. I still can't decide.


But a lot of 40 year old queens love some Donna Summer!

(No...Ricky Martin wasn't there. I was just trying to think of 40 year old gays and I found these pictures of Ricky and "a friend." But I'm not judging....because to me, these are half hilarious and half hot!!!)



My boyfriend pointed out something so true. I don't have a stopping point for texting (or IM ing). No really. I will just keep chatting with you until you cut me off first. I have never been the one to stop first. Ever.

If you say you don't put up with high maintenance people....just so you know...you are the high maintenance person that all of your friends are putting up with.

It's funny that you want nothing to do with Jay-Z or your sister. Because 90% of the pictures I found were you trying to worm your way into pictures with your sister.


I forgot to mention something in my Olympics blog. I was a little irritated that certain people walked away with the gold (Kobe). On the other hand, one guy's tears made me realize how grateful he is for all his success.
Kobe...you could learn a lot from the man to your left.


I spend way too much time online. I just joined another alternate reality game. Maybe I should focus on getting a job?

I think the Bengals have their own curse. The curse of Ickey Woods. It seems like the Ickey Ickey Shake was the last time things were going well.



How did MTV read my mind? Whenever I watched My Super Sweet 16...I always wished someone would send these little brats to Africa. Fucking awesome.


AND....just when I was thinking, man, these little shits SO don't live in the "Real World" and I'm over it!! ...they sent them to a deserted island with 4 rolls of toilet paper! Thank you MTV!!




I hate ants in the summertime. Why must they stalk me?

I am SO proud of Next Top Model for having a transgendered woman. I finally have justification for supporting this show.


But don't think I am going to let Tyra-bot slide.

(No...this isn't a Tyra-bot photo...but I found it equally ridiculous)

And, am I the only who noticed the magician that announced the judges? I can't be the only one who still remembers Max from Saved By the Bell.



I don't let it make me feel bad when the delivery guy assumes there are four people and brings four sets of silverware for the food that me and my boyfriend have ordered. I just think to myself...wow...that delivery guy really underestimates my eating abilities!!!

I may be turning into a grumpy old lady. I was talking to myself at Target when someone in front of me tried to pay with a check....Oh Jesus.

A word from the wise...when you see someone in line at Target buying a gallon of milk. Pick a different line. Things aren't going to end well.



When did A.C. Slater fancy himself a cool guy? Honestly...you are the new Seacrest...but even more gay.



When you are unemployed and alone a lot...you might find yourself having a heart to heart with your cat about the sad loss of Bernie Mac. And you might swear he sympathized.


A note to my guy friends...if you are dating a girl who has left more than one date in an ambulance....run!!

I can safely say after watching the Bob Saget roast that when I am old....I hope I am stealing the show like this lady.

(And yes....this is Cloris Leachman holding a keg over her head!!)

I don't think I really like vampires. But I got tricked into liking "sexy" vampires!


If you don't know about The Jitterbug.....wow....you are missing out on some comedy.


I keep fighting going back to a "normal" job....so....I apply to things like this on craigslist;

Casting Busty Woman For Comedy Pilot (no nudity)


And attaching a jpeg with the title "busty headshot." Not one of my proudest moments.