The Olympics....They ALMOST Make Me Want To Exercise

The track athletes blow my mind. I think it is because when I was in 8th grade and had to run the mile....my teacher told me to just go ahead and give up, because the bell was about to ring and I had just started lap 4....at around 35 minutes. True story.


Even though I've been to Jamaica before, I had no idea the Jamaicans were PHENOMENAL runners.

(and for G-d's sake...let the man celebrate in peace!! He just won the GOLD!!)

When I went to Jamaica, I was under the impression that everyone excelled at a different "sport."



No wonder you look so happy. You made it to the Olympics and you are six.



I almost forgot how much I loved this guy.



These chicks are badass.


But I was a little sad when the blond one obsessively thanked this guy....

(FYI: I didn't alter this picture in any way. This is our current leader...at his finest).

Joe and Jessica Simpson could learn something from these two.


I think this girl is creepy.


And this is the cute one.


I don't care if he is always injured...he is f***ing hot!!!


There are some things I love about all the time I have been spending in China.


And there are some things that make me sad.



I wonder how many more records this guy would have had without his 'stache.


I REALLY wanted to make fun of this guy(mainly because he never took those damn sunglasses off), but then, he got the bronze.


Finally, someone Cincinnati

can still look up to.

I loved seeing her watch the swimming. Until I found out she was a school principal. Ugh. No wonder the poor guy doesn't let himself smile that much.



What does make him smile? facebook. Did you hear him say he had checked it twice from Beijing and had 8,000 new friend requests?


I suddenly started feeling a lot better about getting older.



Even though I haven't exercised since 1995.

Meet the Madonna of China. You might have noticed her at the closing ceremonies. Here she is....Wei Wei.


Here's a little known Lisa Gopman fact.....I did shotput and discus on the track team in 8th grade. Sexy huh?

I also played softball for a season. I played catcher and I had no hits. All season.

There are so many reasons that I feel bad for this guy. Do I even need to start with his name?


Synchronized swimming...is kind of amazing. I can barely do a handstand!


(The Pros)



(me and my boyfriend after about 5 bottles of wine:)

Wait....is that Jackie Chan?

(I took a picture of my TV...because I couldn't find it online and I didn't want you to think I was insane)

I don't think anyone can deny that Michael Phelps will be what everyone remembers from these Olympics. But this is going to be a close second in my book.

(and if you don't know...this is an angry taekwondo participant purposely kicking a ref...in the head!!)

So Many Adventures, So Much Time

There is nothing more horrifying than a Chihuahua wearing a mini 2008 Beijing Olympics tracksuit.

( I wish to G-d I had a picture of the dog in the tracksuit, but there was just no way to be discreet and take a picture at the Beverly Center. However, I hope you find this dog in a wig equally creepy)


A) If you keep bleeding love, you are doing something wrong. B) Your song makes my ears bleed.



I can't believe I watched the entire season of this crappy show, and this is the person who won it all.

(and for the record, I was in LOVE with this guy when he was on General Hospital, but this outfit pretty much ruined it for me forever. And the part where he called Rachel Hunter "sexy for a big girl." Pathetic.)


Your boyfriend probably isn't going to feel sorry for you when you complain that your "job" for the day is going to be so annoying....shopping all day for a cocktail dress. What torture!

When you pray to G-d that the dress you are trying on DOES fit, you should probably skip the Cookie Monster cupcake you were planning on getting at the food court.



When you start praying to G-d that the dress you are trying on DOESN'T fit, you probably shouldn't be shopping at Betsey Johnson when you are unemployed.

Just when I thought Criminal Intent couldn't possibly get any better...Chris Noth's replacement was announced.



If my Grandma Rose was alive, I bet she would have at least a solid 20 friends on facebook.

When you don't have a job and you send your lawyer friend a youtube video, you won't understand what he means when he asks you if it is *NSFW.
*And for my fellow out-of-work friends, it means Not Suitable/Safe For Work.

A bride should never force you to wear a dress color named after a random fruit or vegetable. For example, this lovely tangelo color.




Is it wrong that I think the Baby Borrowers is the funniest show on TV this summer?




Lifetime's Fallen Angels week has kept me in front of the TV for 6 hours today. My personal favorite...a heartwarming film about syphilis.



People who love humidity need counseling.


People who love French wine are snobby.



If you are a sommelier, you can drink a bottle of wine each day and call it "work." Note to self, go to sommelier school.


Young actresses...PLEASE...stick to acting. The singing is getting embarrassing.




The Dark Knight moved me in ways I never imagined. Heath Ledger is going to go down in movie history for one of the all time great performances.




My best friend doesn't have a bucket list. She has a "fuck it" list or as she explains....a list of things she wants to never have done when she is lying in her grave. Some list highlights...playing golf, watching NASCAR, and going to Disneyland. Don't you totally get why she is my best friend?


The new Bluetooth law in LA isn't helping anyone to drive better. It is just making everyone look even crazier.


In fact, I am kind of missing the good old days.



It is really hard to say which one of these three is more screwed up, but I guess I'm leaning toward the one that averages 8 costume changes during a 45 minute set with his rock band. (And still loves hanging out with Jacko in his free time.)



My two favorite things were you and Rose's St. Olaf stories.



When you actually know(and love) someone on a reality show, for once it isn't fun when the shit hits the fan.



Note to Last Comic auditioners: Just because your friends keep telling you that you are funny, please don't pick the day of auditions to try telling the first joke of your life. Thanks.


Note to Last Comic producers: After I have just waited in line with aforementioned "comics" for five hours, don't ask me to put on a funny hat and entertain the crowd.

(and for the record, I have this exact hat, but I won't let you pimp me out Last Comic.)


Best mugshot ever.




Ask yourself this question, can you imagine anything in this world better than a bar where, when you order a "Top Gun"; they turn on "Danger Zone", hand you a pilot's cap, aviator glasses, and a shot? Because that might have been the single greatest moment of my life so far. (Thank you Grig and thank you NYC!!)

(now this is a funny hat deserving of my time and energy)