Don't try it. No matter how congested you are, even snot can't block the smell of that first alcohol you got drunk on. You know, the one you haven't even been able to look at for 15 years.
(Yep, I threw up 17 times the one and only time that me and Citron met)
Going a whole month without kissing your boyfriend so he won't get sick will really get to you.
Plus you will make lots of silly Pretty Woman "I don't kiss on the mouth" jokes.
You can tell I'm sick if I turn down cheese or alcohol.
There was a cheese plate in my fridge for 2 days. Completely unheard of.
Just when Ashton Kutcher couldn't be any douchier. He started rolling his pants.
Roseanne is one of the greatest shows in history with one of the greatest casts in history.
Your lips get really chapped when you have to walk around town with your mouth open to breathe.
One of the greatest gifts I've given myself was NOT watching Seinfeld back in the day. It's like I have a brand new awesome comedy, 7 days a week.
I can finally admit it, Seinfeld IS pretty funny.
But Curb is SO much funnier.
.
And for the record, sometimes I relate a little TOO much to Larry David/George Constanza.
Campbell's chicken noodle soup doesn't get old.
Why is everyone trying to get me to sell back my old gold for cash?
America loves a trainwreck. A lot.
This movie makes me want to go on a killing spree.
.
It is literally everything I hate about standup comedy. Hack comics trying to be hilarious for their knucklehead friends.
AAAAH! Can everyone stop saying apps?
Seriously, why do I love you so much?
Yes. Most of us do want more comedy. But this guy doesn't equal comedy.
(Even this picture is hacky!)
So now you are SyFy? Really?
Somehow you've managed to become even more nerdy.
I'm desperate for summer TV. For some reason I've been watching this random show.
I hate vegetables but sometimes I REALLY crave this. I feel like it might have crack in it or something.
Words can't describe how much you irritate me. But you took it to the next level when you said on Conan that your son thinks all black singers are "Uncle Jay." Or Jay Z to the rest of us. Puke.
This show is SO lame without Jerry.
Plus I can't look at you without thinking you must have mommy issues.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I kind of want this vampire to bite me. Weird, right?
When you can't breathe through your nose, it doesn't matter if you don't shower for a few days. You won't be able to smell anything.
Maybe you should have spent a little less time focusing on this...
And a little more time focusing on the fact that your son became a SERIOUS drug dealer right under your nose. No pun intended:)
Nope. I still don't like pickles.
Posts
